They told me to go to re-hab & I said "Yes, yes, YES!!!"
GOD's Re-hab that is (Tee-he-he)!!!
I woke up this morning thinking of the promises of GOD (yay!). His Word is slap full of promises for me & for you! BUT, Guess what???? We have a choice to believe them (& HIM) or rebel & say "No, no, no!"
I realize that the subject of this post may be harsh, but I also know that it is the harsh, extravagant, reality of TRUTH that will pull us from the hazzardous & potentially life threatening rut that we call our current beliefs! Ask Amy Winehouse, or Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson or how 'bout the guy in Miami who in his LSD-ish zombie high was found naked & chowing down on the face of a homeless man, then he was fatally shot while he was so high that he was out of his mind & not responding with obedience to the police who warned him to stop his freak like behaviour... but wait ......you can't ask them 'cause they all died in their rut. I mean no disrespect, to the family of Amy Winehouse (or the others), on the contrary I honor them. The dis-honorable life these people chose to live can be an honorable lesson for those who are reading this by speaking TRUTH however controvercial it may be. Others may have reached the same conclusion as I have, and they are thinking it, but I'ma come right out and say it, okay? I would venture to say if Amy Winehouse or anyone else who has died as a result of drugs or alcohol addictions could speak from their experiences, they would have made better choices BEFORE their addictions caused them to believe the lie that "I'm just going to get high this once," or "one more drink won't kill me", or "(
COME ON PEOPLE, WAKE UP BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! (or better yet be smart before you ever start!) I know because I made those mistakes, and I wish I had been a stronger/smarter girl than to ever try alcohol or drugs... Thank GOD I did not die in my addiction, but Amy Winehouse was not so fortunate. Maybe if someone had been able to shake her & wake her from her addiction before she became like a zombie she may have changed her mind and said "Yes, yes, yes" to re-hab (instead of rebelling against it). I have some very real and deep/wild/scary thoughts about the supposed "zombie apocolypse" that my 13 year old son tells me is pending!!! Sounds like a far fetched Nightmare on Elm Street style Hollywood movie, but it is not so far fetched if you think about it... Drugs & alcohol taking over our culture...the "Walking Dead" hmmm..."The Walking Zooted outtaa' their minds" sounds more like the reality of it!!!
I have been feeling a little "schlumpy" for the past year or so and I realize that the thoughts that try to pummel my brainz are not my own thoughts, some thoughts that cross my mind are from the enemy of my soul. That enemy (The BIBLE says) would like to kill steal and destroy me (& you!). I know to some that may sound like paranoia, but seriously??? I am a happy person with loving thoughts and peaceful thoughts and decent uplifting thoughts, so why do I find myself back in the rut of anxious thoughts, & the desire to excape the pain of life experiences by getting high or drinking a glass of wine? (For the record I am clean and sober and have been for many years now, but once upon a time I was a Grey Princess who just wanted to escape). My gut belief now is that something bigger than me threatens me...I call it "Brutus"...it is a beast who tries to lure me into giving up or lull me into a way of escape... any opportunity to escape the pain or dull the pain of life. Life is only painful if you think about it that way...The Bible says "as a man thinketh so is he" ... What we need to escape is the stinkin' thinkin'!!!
"Brutus" wants me to rebel against GOD's re-hab plan for my life! You see, when a thought crosses my mind that is disturbing, I know now that it was not my own thought! When I say "disturbing" I mean any thought that leaves me feeling ill at ease...angry thoughts, jealous thoughts, hateful thoughts and the like. Thoughts that don't line up with the nature of GOD (and yeah, even thoughts of suicide, like the world would be a better place without me~~~ now that is clearly not my own OR GOD's thoughts about me!)
I confess, I have experienced such depth of despair that I have thought life was too hard and that it would just be easier to let go, free-fall....that kinda' thinking led me to drinking alcohol and doing drugs to escape the pain. So where did all this "pain" come from? I mean I have really good parents who love me and who did their best to "train me up in the way I should go"...I was not abused or neglected or molested... so then, why all the pain??? I think some of it was brought on by my own stinkin' thinkin'!!! By being a double minded girl, who became unstable in all my ways...I was brought up to be level headed, but instead of balancing on the Truth of who I am, I began to wobble until one day I simply crashed (actually, it happened a few times!) I had no integrity, I was not the same person to my parents that I was in front of my friends or my peers. I was a hypocrite.
Some of my worst thoughts are the hypocritical ones...what does it mean to be a hypocrite??? It means being double minded, having double standards...it involves being judgemental and it involves critical thinking of others and their choices... It was way easier for me to look at the mistakes of others and think, "Wow, thank goodness I am not like _____." I think it is good to see the mistakes of others if we can learn from them, but not if we are seeing those mistakes, making the same ones (or worse ones) and then comparing ourselves to them... like we are better than them...let's face it we are all screwed up at some point in our life! No human is perfect, except JESUS! I know one thing for certain about being a hypocrite...I just don't want to be one! & yet I find myself at the crossroads (pretty darn frequently) of Hypocrite Highway and Love Lane. That is when I have to stop and ask directions from Holy Spirit...and I have to contstantly measure myself against the plumb line of GOD's Word (not looking to what other people are doing ~ mind you ~ 'cause like I said... pretty much everyone is a lil' screwed up!!!)
Jesus taught against hypocrisy in Luke the 12th chapter...so GOD wants us to know and be aware of it, not to condemn us, but to show us that it is something to repent of... turn away from...better yet, to run from it and to gouge it out of our very being if necessary.
I was reading Luke 12 today where JESUS taught a warning against hypocrisy... "Meanwhile, the crowds grew until thousands were milling about and stepping on each other. Ahem, stepping on each other??? Maybe that means literally or like "stepping on each other's toes" You know what I mean!!! Teasing one another perhaps? Picking on each other, offending each other (yeah probably on purpose!) Maybe that is why Jesus turned first to his disciples and warned them, "BEWARE OF THE YEAST (A.K.A. sin) OF THE PHARISEES - THEIR HYPOCRISY. THE TIME IS COMING WHEN EVERYTHING THAT IS COVERED UP WILL BE REVEALED, AND ALL THAT IS SECRET WILL BE MADE KNOWN TO ALL. WHATEVER YOU HAVE SAID IN THE DARK WILL BE HEARD IN THE LIGHT, AND WHAT YOU HAVE WHISPERED BEHIND CLOSED DOORS WILL BE SHOUTED FROM THE HOUSETOPS FOR ALL TO HEAR!" (& then JESUS goes on to talk about the value of each one of us, the dangers of materialism and where and how to find true freedom and contentment...hint~hint: it is not found in getting high!).
In chapter 12 of Luke JESUS talks about the value of each person to GOD (our Creator). One of the things HE talks about is the comparison and contrast of a person to the sparrow. Think about what HE is saying here...if GOD cares for even the smallest lil' birdie (the sparrow), then HE cares even more for us. If HE cares enough to count the hairs on our head, then HE cares even more about our thoughts and feelings. Dwelling on this reality, THIS TRUTH & GOD'S PROMISES can help us when we feel depressed or lonely or left out or left behind. THE MOST POWERFUL AND IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE CARES DEEPLY FOR ME & FOR YOU, DOES'NT THAT GRAB YOUR ATTENTION? It grabs mine!!!
JESUS later (in verses 22-21) tells us where to find TRUE FREEDOM & CONTENTMENT... they are found by depending exclusively on GOD and OBEYING HIM!!! JESUS points out the worthlessness of spending time worrying about the things that GOD has already taken care of (our provision---every thing we need!!!) Plants and animals don't worry about food and clothing, so neither should we. GOD takes care of them while they live from day to day, so dontchya' think if GOD made us ABOVE the animals that HE will take care of us too (duh, yeah!) if we make HIS kingdom our primary concern...HA! That is the clinker, the key, the bottom line...so let me repeat it... IF WE MAKE HIS KINGDOM OUR PRIMARY CONCERN THEN GOD WILL PROVIDE EVERYTHING HE THINKS WE NEED TO SURVIVE THIS LIFE HERE ON EARTH!!! & HIS KINGDOM IS A KINGDOM OF LOVE.
In all we say, say it in LOVE. In all we do, do it in LOVE. All we think even, think it with LOVING thoughts...because the greatest of all things is LOVE.
TRUST GOD & that shows HIM that you love Him. Show that you trust & love HIM by obeying HIM. Trusting GOD's Supreme & Providential care will enable me (& you) in recovery to live one day at a time... recovering from the effects of the days when I (OR YOU) was (WERE) not walking in obedience to HIM...when I had strayed from the righteous path and went my own way I chose to walk away from GOD's blessings...I have made mistakes, (haven't we all???) & I am sure I will probably make a few more before I get to Heaven & guess what? I gotta' (mentally & emotionally) recover from that...& so do you.
GOD's re-hab plan is printed out for me (& you) in black and white... & better yet He says that He has written HIS TRUTH on the tablet of my heart (& yours) so my concience knows right from wrong, if only I would have listened to my conscience before I told it "No, no, no!". I know most of us know Good from evil. I can no longer justify evil and call it good to fulfill my own desires. I pray that GOD will keep purifying me (& you) in HIS re-hab.
Blessings,
Shawnie
