Monday, July 2, 2012

OUCH!


July 3, 2012


Today I am having some back & neck issues... probably due to my body structure & front issues! I had to go see a chiropractor today (thanks to my Mama pretty much insisting on it) and I was blown away by the stuff I learned about my spine! I had an adjustment which has already affected my sinuses in a positive way. I have had sever seasonal allergies this year and I have been sneezing entirely too much. A couple of weeks ago I woke myself up sneezing in the middle of the night, and I wrenched my neck and back in the process causing me to be in pain for several weeks!  Sheesh, like Mama says, "Growin' old 'aint for sissies!"

I had to take a few days off of Hcg, and I am about ready to jump back in, since I now feel like I am already wanting to eat sugar...(oops...too late... I mean ...I confess... I already had some sugar...... I am a sugar junkie!) I don't know where I went wrong, but I gotta get right back on track... We'll see what tomorrow brings... I pray for strength!

This is no battle of the bulge...THIS IS WAR!

Blessings,
Shawnie

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hcg Journey begin(again)

July 1, 2012

First let me start by sharing my Hcg history:

In 2010 I was desperate to find an answer to a lifelong battle of the bulge... I found Hcg! At that time I was going through a difficult season in my marriage, my work and with my kids. I was miserable with myself mainly because of my weight... I had totally "let myself go".  I was terribly depressed, and I was not eating healthy or excersizing. I felt like a marshmellow... a not so mellow marshmellow! I found out about Hcg through Youtube VLOGs (I kinda' stumbled over it when I was on Youtube and typed in "Weight loss" and kept coming up with VLOGs with "hcg" in their title). I began to do my own research about it.  I had no clue what Hcg was at that time, but like I said I was desperate and felt that I had "asked" for help...you know, cried out to GOD with that desperate prayer of "Help! I can't keep going on like this!" and I believed that HE had guided me to the answer in Hcg.  I have a lot of faith in GOD (not so much in myself, as I have failed myself miserably so often in the past!) You see, GOD has NEVER failed me... not EVER!

I can not really explain in words how I know when it is GOD answering my prayers... I just know!  I had done enough research to know that Hcg was not a quick fix (answer to prayer usually is not), so I continued to study it out. I soon found out that Hcg is NOT a cheater's way out of years of abusing my body, no in fact it is just the opposite! I found out that choosing Hcg would require commitment to a healthy lifestyle (as well as militant self control!). I felt like Hcg was a "do over" for me... an opportunity to reprogram the hormones in my body that were working against me. So that is how it went for me with Hcg, I fell in love with the concept and decided it was for me! Long story short, I was VERY successful with Hcg.

I bought my Hcg online and mixed it myself at home (I watched "Mama Clock" on Youtube to find out "how to mix Hcg"). I took my daily doses of sublingual Hcg and over the course of a few short months I released 64 pounds! I was on top of the world! I looked great (IMHO) and I felt amazing mentally, physically & emotionally. I never addressed my emotional eating issues though, and with the passage of time (two years now), relaxing the "rules" of my diet (no sugar, no starch) I began to slowly gain again.


FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT:

I did not have as much information two years ago that I do now, nor did I have the knowledge about Leptin (the hormone that I needed to befriend!) and I knew very little about emotional eating. I surprised myself and many others two years ago when I lost a whopping 64# on Hcg, but when I quit taking the Hcg and my choices in food were not so black & white...I began to backslide. Since then I wandered back into my old (bad) habits of eating whatever I want, whenever I want, as much as I want. That does not work so well for me (or for anyone from what I can tell!) I have gained back most of the weight (approx. 50#) because I went back to bad habits. I can not really say that I did not know better, I just kinda' ignored the fact that I am an addict. I am addicted to emotional eating and sugar, and many things that affect my body adversely. I wanna' go to re-hab. Emotional Re-hab! Food Re-hab! Lifestyle Re-hab!!!   

I am in process of learning a whole bunch more about the things I did wrong the first time I used the Hcg Protocol, and I am excited to embark on this hcg journey again. I bought a book called WEIGHT LOSS APOCALYPSE BY Robin Woodall that has really motivated me to dig deeper, and it has given me new information for "this time around" (on Hcg). I believe that "this time around" will be the last time around the hormonal hamster wheel, and once I release all that my body deems adipose tissue I will maintain my healthy body weight using the Hunger Scale Robin teaches in her book! GOD bless Robin Woodall, she doesn't even know I exist, but she has managed to change my life for the better!

I am no quitter... I am just a girl with an extremely strong will to succeed at being herself!!!

As I was releasing weight two years ago, people came outta' the woodwork asking all kinds of questions. How was I losing so much weight? How did I look so healthy? (I was lookin' goooooood!) Was I in love? Hahaha!! Of course, the moment I began to talk about Hcg there were ignorant people who wanted to get into a heated conversation about it with me...duh, the same people who were seeing how healthy I looked and how successful the weight loss was for me. Can I just ask...why do people feel it is any of their business (my weight) ??? Huh? I realize that now I am opening myself up online and giving information about my experiences, but back then I was fragile sorta'... I was just learning about Hcg, and trying to share my good news with people who seemed genuinely interested. They were not! There are many who live their lives as skeptics... those are the one's that have NEVER put forth any effort to have any kind of friendship with me, those are the ones that want to warn me that Hcg is "Dangerous"!  Or, really??? REALLY?! Nah, I don't listen to ignorant people, OR to the drama queens who want to instill fear in me, tryin' to tell me how Hcg is dangerous?! C'mon people, its really Dangerous to be fat... where was your "concern" for me when I was eating junk food, and eating because I was so depressed? Uh... were you there expressing your concern for me when I was walking through my darkest hours? No! Of course not! I felt lonely, sad and depressed... Isoloated...no one ever reached out to me then...no one ever voiced their concern for me when I was emotionally distraught and felt like a caged animal... imprisoned in my own fat, by my own doing, in my own body... I am not angry with people for not reaching out to me then, but I don't want to hear their "concerns" when I have finally seen a light at the end of the dark tunnel and I am running for my life toward it... if I were a paranoid sort I would think that certain people want to trip me and watch me fall again. I am not paranoid though, and I think it better to keep the Hcg on the down-lo this time, not sharing with people I do life with, but journaling here for those searching for some answers for themselves!!!  I don't mean to sound so cynnical, but I have decided that those "concerned"  about me have a deeper, hidden undercurrent of other reasons to try to sway me away from Hcg... either they are caddy, or shallow or jealous... probably... I'm just sayin'! People really like you to agree with them, whether they are right or wrong! Misery loves company, REALLY!  Have you noticed that, peole want to tell you their "argument" and they just love when you are in agreement with them... when you are persuaded by them to their side of the argument??? Shoo, it makes 'em feel like they have won something.  Whatever! I don't care if people agree with me or not about Hcg, I would just rather not hear the negativity this time around... If people do not agree with Hcg, that is fine... it is not for everyone... besides I am not trying to persuade anyone to do anything... I am writing these BLOGS so that my future self can come back and read them... as a written testimony of my personal journey on HCG again... and if others wanna read what I have learned great! I hope it helps them too, but I am not writing this BLOG for anyone but for my own research! I have seen many people who have tried to do what I did with HCG and failed. I feel sorry for them for not being committed to their own success by having the self control it takes to stick to Hcg. NOTE TO SELF: Do not tell people I am back on Hcg!!! I don't want anyone's opinion!!! I have made up my mind to do this for myself, and it is nobody's business!!! That said, hahaha, I am "sharing" this info. with the universe via the internet!!! But seriously? I am not asking anyone's opinion!!! So if you leave comments I will delete them, I have a one track mind, and I do not care that I sound like a two year old!!!

^ THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS BLOG IS ABOUT ^

I am writing this BLOG (and probably a few more) as an online journal about my Hcg journey. I know that Hcg is controvercial, and that is why I will state up front that what I write about is my own personal accumulation of information and not to be used by anyone in place of their own wisdom. I am sure that Hcg is not for everyone, but I believe it is for me. I am not a Doctor, nor am I trying to give anyone advice... this is just a BLOG about my journey!

Ok, now...that said ^  I am going to link (below) to some BLOGs and VLOGs (videos on YouTube) that I find helpful :

www.weightlossapocalypse.blogspot.com

Robin Woodall seems to me to be on the frontline of Hcg research, and has discovered so much information that is really making sense to me. Right now I am learning about Leptin and its role in what has been keeping me on this hamster wheel of a horrible hormone cycle... I would also like to give my "stats" here:

I am 45 years old (as of June 11, 2012)
I am 5'8" tall
I weigh 214.0 as of this morning, buck nekked!
I started Hcg on June 19, 2012 and my start weight was 221.2
I have not (yet) done my measurements, but will do so soon and put those in future stats
I may (or may not) upload pix of my journey because I am not sure I have any recent pix!

Ok, so I am going to be giving some (Very) personal information on this blog like girlie period stuff and other personal info. as well as mushy stuff like my feelings and thoughts along the way.
SO: You have been warned!!!

Of course there are many people who have passionate opinions about Hcg... but things that are controvercial do not make me skeptical, they get me intrigued! I have the right to decide what is best for me, so I am moving forward paying attention to both my body and the Hcg controvercy... people who say they have studied it out are either for it or they are against it... love it or hate it...that seems to be the way things go in my life! Hahaha, my husband is a great example of that... when people meet him they either love him or they hate him... I obviously love him...but that is another blog altogether!

 Is it Controvercy or Drama that motivates people to talk about Hcg when they do not know what they are talking about... or is it jealousy? Bingo! I think most people are jealous when they see someone else's success... how sad! I was always taught (by my parents) to be happy for someone else's good fortune.... not envious or jealous. So I hope that anyone reading this can find information that may give them hope that there is always a different path you can take when the stumbling blocks in life have you believing that there is no way out... no way out of the prison of fat that your body seems to be in right now...there is a way out... ya' just gotta' pray and ask GOD, trust that HE will guide you to the right path for you...Hcg may or may not be it for you, but I believe it is right for me!

Blessings,
Shawnie

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