M.O.M. CHALLENGE DAY 15

Thursday, March 15, 2012

M.O.M. CHALLENGE DAY 15

We're halfway there...still with me?  'Cause I have had no feed back online from anyone...I can hear my own echo out here in cyber space!!! Oh well, I am not doing this for recognition, it is Wisdom that I seek!!!! And there are sooo many great words of wisdom to live by in the Proverbs. It is almost hard to take them all in. I feel like I have been feasting on Wisdom so far this month and yet, I am still the same girl, making some of the same mistakes... Sometimes I feel like I am frittering away my time (sometimes)! I know that I can not listen to the voice of condemnation in my head (the thoughts I am thinkin'...'cause I don't really "hear" voices!!!) Some days the thoughts I'm thinkin' are really stinkin' thinkin'...and I have to take them captive...but I will save that thought  to discuss for another day!

Today I decided to read from THE MESSAGE version of Proverbz!!! (I also read the NCV and of course my favorite the NLT) So I really gorged on Proverbs today reading them again and again 3 different versions... Verse 15:9 in the Message version reads: "A life frittered away disgusts GOD, HE loves those who run straight for the finish line."

That verse really got me thinkin'...what I do all day, is that considered "frittering" away my life? I mean, I am Momma and wife, daughter and friend and I spend my life going from one thing to the next, and some days it seems there is no purpose...like I am just frittering it away...am I? I guess that is a question for GOD to answer...since Proverbs 15:3 reads "GOD doesn't miss a thing~ HE's alert to good and evil alike." I mean I don't think I am actually doing evil...but I wonder if the way I spend my time is really honoring HIM? or is it simply doing what I wanna' do?

I mean I really do enjoy this...reading my BIBLE and journaling about it... it does not at all feel like "work" (and of course I am not getting paid for doing it) so what's the point? I am choosing to believe that I am harvesting wisdom, that is my paycheck! So, yay!

I sensed that I was being "called" or "led" to do this (read Proverbs & then journal) at the beginning of this month of March, but ya' know what?  I wonder if that was just my own desire... Did GOD really call me to it? I watched a movie last night on Netflix about St. Patrick (the patron saint of Ireland). It was reallly interesting all historical and stuff.  The one thing that really stuck with me was that St. Patrick had a calling... he had visions which he obeyed, and even though they were visions, he had to have incredible faith to obey them. 

I don't know that I have ever had visions, but I do dream a lot at night. I do have a lot of thoughts and ides\as that I think must be coming from GOD. I wonder sometimes what my dreams mean and I have been trying to pay closer attention to them in case it is GOD speaking to me in my dreams...but still sometimes I feel like it could all just be my own thoughts and desires... maybe GOD is not really leading me to any of this, maybe its just me???

Wow...That reallly bothers me... I guess I could pray and ask HIM for confirmation of what I am supposed to be doing, because between you and me...I have no income, no money what so ever! That kinda sucks for me, but then again I am learning how to cope with that fact. I am learning how to be o'kay with depending totally on GOD for provision and wisdom and toilet paper!!! 

If it were up to my husband I would have chunked my Etsy shop, put Luke back in public school and started waiting tables... I have not contributed financially to our household ever...really!  I feel like I am just a sponge sometimes, but then I know that that is not true, those thoughts are not from GOD.  I am the wife and momma so there are other ways that I contribute to our home... I have learned to go through life with no money, and yet I have no needs, really...(although, I can't say the same for wants...good news though, I am learning how to not want as much stuff as I used to want, buying things that are just trinkets in a treasure box that moth and rust will destroy...I find myself not getting too attatched to the tangible things of this world that really mean nothing at all!)

I have found that when I need something it is provided for me...sewing machine, serger, beads, food, clothing, toilet paper, etc... Maybe I am not being a good steward of my serger, though.. I could spend more time working on making things and selling them in my Etsy shop. I don't want to entice others to spend money on things that moth and rust could destroy either though, to me that would make me like the woman in Proverbs who lures people into spending money...I am feeling kinda conflicted about myself today. Only GOD knows the answer to my questions, so that is why I need to talk to HIM daily, to process with HIM where my time is going. What my purpose is for each new day... but for today and the rest of this month I have committed myself to reading through the Proverbs and journaling "my take" and my thoughts on them, so I will continue with that challenge, because I am not a quitter!

It does not matter to me if I get paid cash money for doing any of the things I do, like being a Momma or wife, my time spent is a labor of love! God has given me a few friends over the years that are in need of someone to take them to their doctor appointments and to the grocery store...I have decided that I can make the time to be of service to them... again a labor of love.  One of my friends is going to be 95 on April 3, Miss Red Moon. The other friend, Miss Lucy, just turned 83 on January 5, 2012. I love these ladies, and I know that GOD brought them into my life...funnyhow these ladies are full of wisdom and they are up in age. I love to spend time with them, learning from them. They both love JESUS and have read their BIBLEs for most of their lives, until their eyesight made that impossible to do daily... they tell me cool stories about their lives and about their experiences with GOD. What a blessing it is to get to know them. 

I know that if there is something that I really need, GOD provides it for me, and I am truly content with knowing that.  Even when there are things that I desire so desperately, I can't think of any of them right now,... but a few months back it was my serger, and I got to buy one with last years income tax return... so yeah, I know that GOD provides. I am going to choose to believe that I am not "frittering away" my time by blogging my thoughts  here...the last thing I want to do is to "disgust GOD".  And like I said from the beginning, if I am the only one who benefits from this blog, then so be it! When this month's challenge is finished I will continue to read my BIBLE 'cause that is what I do, but I will also start to focus more of my time on making clothes and jewelry and stuff for my Etsy shop... Maybe I will begin to make some real money, and be more comfortable with my financial contribution to our household, maybe not...but one thing is for certain...I will continue to ask GOD how HE wants me to spend my time...I will not fritter it away!
Blessings,
Shawnie